Crap Film, Cherry Suit-Up

Bill Cosby movies are fucking garbage.

I can say this with the same sense of axiom confidence as, "Never trust a beer fart." Yet, even though I know better, I keep trying. Wanting to believe. Maybe, just maybe GHOST DAD won't suck dick.

Now don't get me wrong. I love Bill Cosby. LOVE him! Who didn't go screaming to the tube every Thursday night to laugh heartily at him and the rest of the Huxtable antics? I was chief among them. Of course it's that same love for the Cos that makes his abysmal repertoire of films so hard to swallow. For me, being entertained by Cosby had ranged from seeing him perform his stand-up, to owning LEONARD PART 6 on DVD.

Even calling this movie a guilty pleasure is an insult to boxed wine, the Spice Girls, and having sex with a tranny.

There's not so much a "story" to this movie as there is a "gist." Leonard Parker (Cosby) is a former secret agent turned restaurateur. Medusa Johnson (Gloria Foster) is a goofy vegetarian, bent on using her mind control over animals to take over the world. There's some other shit in there about Leonard's wife and daughter too, but the bottom line is that only Leonard can stop Medusa from fucking everything up.

Not even Joe Don Baker as head of the C.I.A. can save this film. It's worth noting that if there is anyone who is less believable as an ass-kicker than Joe Don Baker, it's Bill Cosby. He wears ballet slippers in this movie and flies around on an ostrich. I rest my case.

As much as the movie stinks, I will say that the suit-up scene is actually rooted in badassness.

First of all, Leonard doesn't gear up by himself. He has his manservant strap weapons and gadgets onto his bodysuit for him. If I were loading up before going out to kick the shit out of the bad guys, that's exactly the way I'd want it to happen.

The music starts to pump up as the camera pans around Leonard's weapon arsenal. Frayn, the white gloved butler, does what I'm sure to him was a passable imitation of Q from your favorite James Bond picture. He selects item after item, and hooks them onto a stoic Leonard while explaining what each object is.

Australian boomerang knife, collapsible bazooka, three wafer thin grenades, hair clippers, the worlds smallest camera (The best acting in the movie comes when Frayn is shown having a hard time finding the camera. You know, because it's so small.), and a pair of under arm, heat seeking missiles.

Honestly, I have to give this scene an above average score. As stupid as some of the content in the scene is, the "suit-up spirit" is very well represented.

It's just too bad that under arm, heat seeking missiles didn't catch on. Just think of how much more awesome 1988 and '89 would have been.