The Prettiest Girl at the Dance

It seems to me that there are two types of suit-up scenes. You can call them what you like, but I tend to think of them as "traditional" and "odd." Traditional of course would be a scene where the character equips guns, knives and explosives in preparation for battle. Everything else would fall in line with odd.

While this site may have been created based on the philosophy behind traditional suit-ups, I believe that the number of scenes falling into the odd category will eventually equal, if not surpass their counterparts.

Although some may disagree, I think most of us would call the scene in COMMANDO as the quintessential of traditional suit-ups. Or, as Kirk puts it in the title of his review on the scene, the prototype.

The problem with the odd suit-up is that there is absolutely no standard. Since the only criteria (I'm making these rules up as I go) for an odd suit-up is the absence of weapons, apples and turbans and oranges and ascots are now all being grouped together. So to me, the best way that we can rate and judge odd suit-ups against each other is by common recognition. By that I mean when people know that they have just seen a cool suit-up even if they don't know what a suit-up scene is. How else would any of us even think to go through some of these movies if there wasn't something that stood out and was automatically recognizable about the odd suit-up scene?

Everyone who has ever seen COMMANDO recognizes that suit-up. It probably reminds most people of a similar scene in another action movie. COMMANDO takes a classic element and does it better than any other movie, and that is why we all know it to be the prototype suit-up.

If COMMANDO is the traditional prototype suit-up scene, then I believe that THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS is the odd prototype.

After I had called dibs on the scene, I received comments about it from a couple reviewers here on the site. Getting those comments didn't surprise me at all. I had thought of the scene, Hell, I thought it was pretty obvious. So it only made sense that others would come up with it, too. It wasn't until I mentioned it to some of my friends that I realized how universal it seemed to be - even to those who had a hard time understanding what exactly the fuck this site is even all about. Whether it was over the phone or in a barroom, when I mentioned THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS to them I was usually treated to various renditions of GOODBYE HORSES.

Even as I write this, it's running through my head.

THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS as a whole is packed with gold. Obviously it's got great quotables. I can't tell you how many times, drunken or otherwise, me and my dumb buddies have yelled, "Put the fucking lotion in the basket!" in our best Buffalo Bill voices. Not to mention the fact that it gave guys a pretty decent pick-up line, "Aren't you about a size 14?" Of course if that doesn't work, you can always pull that bit where you're trying to move a loveseat with a broken arm.

Aside from bolstering my game repertoire, the film has also given us some of the coolest scenes and images of all-time. Including the suit-up.

It goes like this; Bill has a senator's daughter trapped in the well in his basement. (I've been house hunting. A basement well is a hard feature to find. I had to settle for a crawlspace). While she's trying to catch and use Precious the poodle as a bargaining chip, Bill is in the next room listening to his jam in front of the mirror.

First Bill applies a lovely shade of mascara. Never too much, always tasteful. He goes out of his way so as to not appear cheap or easy. Bill may be a tease, but he is not a slut.

A tug on the nipple ring. He's been so busy lately, butchering women and whatnot, that he hasn't gotten around to getting the other one done yet. Maybe when the project is done.

Next, he pulls on two necklaces. One is on a very short chain, almost like a choker. The other is much longer, and it moves across his chest when he sings and dances.

Lipstick. Maybe a bit too much, but the color is nice, and Bill feels like going all out today.

In fact, he looks so good that he decides to put on a little show. He looks so good that he decides to record it.

Bill is fabulous as he moves and sings and even plays some air guitar. His hair is done and his robe is flowing, but his eyes look a bit guilty when he steps close to the camera and adjusts himself into the "tuck."

But cut Bill some slack. Really, who among us doesn't feel a little bit weird when we pull off the "tuck?" I challenge anybody to say that they don't.